@ Celebrity Theatre in Phoenix.
It’s been some time since my last posting, and a lot has changed. At work, I feel like I’m living in two worlds, the one before layoffs and the one after. Most of you already know that the graphics desk at the paper was pretty much decimated that fateful Wednesday. I’m obviously not going to go into details but I will say is that the whole affair of notifying people was sadly mishandled there at the end.
Congratulations on my preservation poured in the next day. Was I happy to still be employed? I guess. But the idea of having lost the people we did was shocking. The implications were overwhelming, and yet thinking about them seemed selfish, part of me felt like I had to be in mourning.
Some people’s careers were tied to the paper, having worked here for decades. If I had gotten laid off, I would’ve lost a paycheck, not a career.
Can a company, any company, really take away so many years of a person’s life, just to throw them out on the street during tough times, with hardly any compensation? The thought that such behavior is considered normal gives way to all these hopeless feelings.
I keep waiting for some realization about my future to hit me, because I just cannot force myself to think about where I want to be in 15 years. And while I wait, some days I feel like I’m wasting time. I’m afraid that I will blink, and I will still be sitting here in two decades, wondering why I never had to guts to move on. I will look back with regret and justify it all thinking that I was trapped by bills, leases, laziness, people, fear. Some days I’m infuriated by my inability to just DO SOMETHING.
I don’t know how to fix that.
American Idols Live show tomorrow night. Hopefully some good pictures coming outta that. I still have to post photos from my latest sailing trip to Long Beach, and the Michael McDonald/Boz Skaggs concert. Till then…